Overcoming Heartbreak

Overcoming Heartbreak
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Happy 4th of July!

Growing up, this was one of my favorite days of the year. After spending a full day at the beach, we were always sure to set out our lawn chairs early to get an up-close and personal view of the annual 4th of July parade. Just after sundown, we’d walk down to the beach for the annual bonfire – a uniquely local tradition organized by our small New England town. The decorative item placed on top of the bonfire was always a highlight, surely to be talked about for months to come. My favorites were an old Jiffy John one year followed by a sailing skiff another.

For me, it’s a holiday that has always represented family, friends, community, and fun.

The importance of human connection and community is something that has been on my mind and heart of late. For some people, holidays are filled with traditions that bring people together, but for others, I imagine they are a reminder of what once was…

Last week, I had a call with a client who had lost someone dear to them. My client had withdrawn, wanted to cancel our session for the second week in a row, and was simply not showing up as their true self. I chose to stand for my client from love and be what it took to get them on the phone.

You see, my client had learned at a very young age that you don’t express emotions, that they’re bad and wrong, and that when tragedy happens, you deal with your emotions on your own—separate and alone.

Can you relate?

Not surprisingly, my client shared on our call that the thing they most craved and needed was connection and intimacy.

And yet, our defense mechanisms are programmed to do what we learned at a very young age, regardless of what our heart or conscious mind would have us say or do.

We learn what we deem to be “right” or “appropriate.” It requires significant effort and reprogramming to 1.) understand the subconscious choice we’re making and where we’re choosing from and then 2.) make an empowered choice based on what’s actually in service of us in order to 3.) create a different result. In the case of my client, this meant allowing support and connection in order to create a new result of love and understanding.

The client got off the phone filled with gratitude for being able to put down their defense mechanism and choose love.

This is something we all do in life. We make ourselves bad and wrong, try to handle things on our own, and think we will produce a different result by doing the same thing over and over again.

The results of this are pretty obvious…

More of the same…

Judgement…

Making ourselves wrong…

Producing the same old outcome…

Rather than what we all inherently need and value…

Community…

Allowing support from others…

Letting people in even when it feels scary…

Vulnerability…

So, I have an invitation for you today on this holiday. A challenge if you will.

How about you choose to allow and generate from love today?

The next time you experience heartbreak or even sadness, use this 3-step process:

  1. Notice what your automatic response typically is.

Do you withdraw?

Do you become obstinate and push people away?

Do you disassociate from your emotions altogether and get to work?

Do you use anger as a mask to distance other people from you?

  1. Then, ask yourself, what is it that I really need in this moment?

Do you need love and support like my client did?

Do you need to give yourself permission to feel your feelings and allow the sadness?

Do you need connection and to not be alone?

Do you need your loved ones to know that your anger doesn’t mean anything about them?

  1. From there, I invite you to literally have this conversation on loudspeaker.

It could literally be as easy as sharing this blog and your responses to it with someone you love and trust and then asking for their support and partnership in holding you accountable.

I would love to hear from you. This subject has been on my heart all week, and I wanted to share this wisdom with you. Was it valuable? What subjects would you like to hear from us?

Have a wonderful 4th of July!

With love and gratitude,

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